By Anne Ream
The understanding, definition and perception of spirituality is subjective. Many will engage in the continuing development of a personal understanding of spirituality. The understanding of spirituality often involves a sense of a deeper self, or spirit and how we relate to other beings, nature and life. Spirituality is often perceived as a search for inner peace and as important for personal well being. Having a spiritual practice is associated with positive mental health, improved relationships, part of managing addictive behaviors and positive coping skills.
Awareness has also been associated with improved relationships, mental health, managing addictive behaviors and positive coping skills. When we are aware of our thoughts and feelings, we are much more able to cope with them well. Indeed, some people believe that awareness is our salvation. To be spiritual one must also be self aware.
Learning to be aware can begin with physical sensations. We are often unaware of physical sensations until we feel pain. When we practice physical awareness, we can become more aware of slight discomforts before they become pain. The Alexander technique, yoga, karate, dance, sports all can help us increase our physical awareness.
Emotional awareness is vital to spirituality. When we know what we are feeling and understand the message a feeling is giving us, we can use the information well. All our emotions give us information and we need all of them, even those that are difficult to feel. Those emotions that are difficult to feel need to be recognized and heard, as much as pleasant emotions. Emotions that are denied or suppressed often become twisted into another form of behavior. When a feeling is felt, understood and safely expressed it will dissipate as if it were a cloud. Many people have difficulty knowing their emotions. Sometimes this is due to a lack of early childhood education. Those who are unaware will either act out of their emotions, or suppress and deny their emotions.
Most of us have heard the term "acting out." It is often used to describe a child, or someone exhibiting behaviors that result in people feeling frightened or defensive. Those behaviors are usually the result of the person feeling angry or afraid or both. Young children can be taught to recognize their feelings and how to cope with them, during their formative years. When children are taught that all their feelings are understandable and valid, they are also able to learn how to cope with those feelings. The most important step is the first; understanding and validation. Children who are understood and validated are more likely to have healthy self-esteem that helps them cope with their feelings. Children raised with this type of understanding will have natural emotional awareness.
Many people have been taught to suppress and deny their emotions. Adults who threaten children with a phrase such as, "if you cry, I'll give you something to cry about," or who call their children, "baby" when they cry, are teaching children to suppress their emotions. Unfortunately, suppressed emotions do not go away. If children live in a situation in which they will be punished for exhibiting emotions, they will, most likely, displace those unexpressed emotions toward other children or animals. Children who are shamed, criticized or punished for exhibiting emotions often develop emotion suppressing habits. The behavioral habits they develop include displacing their feelings onto other people, aggression, anxiety, depression, using drugs, alcohol, and many other problems. Adults who have grown up doing this have many difficulties.
It is possible for adults, who were raised to suppress or deny their emotions, to change. Many people have found therapy helpful. Another route one can follow is to read self-help books. Those books that are listed on the New York Times best seller list are usually good.
Practicing self-awareness through meditative techniques can help us become aware of how we are thinking and what we are feeling. What we say to ourselves (how we think) about a feeling can either perpetuate or ease the feeling. Often the best way to begin to improve self-awareness is through physical strategies, such as yoga. As we improve physical self-awareness we begin to improve awareness of our thoughts and emotions. It is important to understand the value of all emotions for improved emotional awareness. That does not mean that it is acceptable to act out of the difficult emotions. It means that as we recognize and understand our own emotions, we will be better able to cope with and communicate them to others. It is through awareness of our own emotions that we are able to be aware of the emotions of others. Through self-awareness we are able to follow the Golden Rule. Developing a habit of emotional awareness is part of practicing spirituality.
Anne is a Board Certified Registered art therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor. Anne has been studying human development and relationships for over 45 years. She has been successfully working with families, in various capacities, for over 20 years. Her private practice is in the Mt. Airy section of Philadelphia PA. She specializes in helping people recover from various types of trauma, difficult changes and loss. Anne has an unusual ability to connect with children and adolescents, along with their parents. Parenting is the most important job we ever do, yet no one shows us how to do it or gives us the support we need. Anne has successfully coached many parents through a variety of critical stages in their children's lives. Anne's greatest joy is helping people understand themselves and each other.
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